Friday, June 26, 2009

Weird But Cool you may know...I had lunch with a friend this week and discussed how to get started with our adoption. My friend emailed me that next day with more information. Right below her email was an email from some one at Holt Int. The lady was checking up on our packet we got a few months ago. So, after thinking about what I wanted to write her, I finally told her we were pretty sure we wanted a child of promise. So, yesterday, I went to the hospital to visit a friend who just had a baby. Of course she was just such a cutie that my baby meter shot into high gear! Just went I started to think I was getting baby fever and maybe we should just do this the old fashion way, I checked my email again and found a new message from Holt. Basically, she was telling me that we would be a great fit for the child of promise because of our history with Kaden's cleft.

I love how God works. Just when you start to think outside HIS box, he sends something your way to remind you of his plan for you! Ilove how he says, "remember I'm in control and it's not up to YOU to make your own decisions!" I love that!

So anyway, the average wait time of a "regular" child is now 42-45 months. The wait time of a child of promise is 12-18 months! It's possible that in a year and a half we could have a new addition to our family! Wow! That's just the craziest thought!

Funny story. Today the boys and I were discussing possible names for our little sister. Brady got mad because "all the good names have been taken!" But then Kaden chimmed in and said..."I yike Bubba!" I just looked at him and said, "But that's your name." He said "It's baby China's name too!" That kid!

Monday, June 22, 2009

One Man's Trash is Another's Treasure!

Every couple of nights, I like to check out the Holt site and the Waiting Children page. Tonight, I'm having a "too bad I'm off Paxil" night. It really breaks my heart (I's true I really have one!) to see all of those kids just "left" at the door step with noted pinned to them! I'm of the pics said the little girl was left at the door step with a note giving her birthday. It makes me so mad that anyone would think that was ok. I's better than the alternative of death or what ever...but I can't imagine!
Then, as I look through the list of babies/big kids...I find my self being so judgemental of their disabilities. I mean who am I to say "that one's not for me!" I know that God has a purpose and I'm just a player in that purpose. I know that I can't have them all. As a matter of fact...I'm scared that I won't get to have just one. What if God's plan is so different from what I imagined that I find my self truly disappointed? the way...welcome to tonight's pitty party! I'm sitting here almost in tears and I feel like the only thing I can do is just sit and pray for these kids.

Father God,
I know it's not my place to question your plan. I know that I can't control any situation. But Daddy, I'm begging you tonight to find loving homes for those sweet babies on the waiting child list. God, I lift up the little 14 year old boy who is running out of time to be adopted. I pray that you will send him a forever family! I pray for the little boy with the cleft lip/palet. God, send him a family that understands his needs and is willing to meet them. I pray that you will lay it on the heart of a family to take in the little girl who can't see and the baby who has a hearing disability. Help the world understand the massive need for families these kids have. Remind me daily to pray for the special baby you will put in our family. Remind me to lift up her birth mom and the difficulties she will face while she is pregnant and the emotions that go along with giving up your baby! God, I pray that you start putting in place the means and route that you will have us take and that we need! Please bless our desire to save one of these children! And Daddy, please love on these kids when there is no one else to do so!
I love you and praise you!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

As Tony and I were driving home from Nashville this morning, I got up the nerve to talk about our adoption process. For some reason, I am intimidated to talk to him about this! I'm not real sure why. Anyway, back to my story! As you know, I have been looking into the Child of Promise program with Holt International. I have been praying that God would lead us to which of the needs we would look into adopting. Of course, I am open to almost anything. Almost! But I know Tony is not. Today, he committed to taking a child with a cleft lip. I'm super excited about this! When Kaden was born he had a cleft lip. You can read more about Kaden's story here. I knew when he was born special that God had a huge reason for it! I felt one of those reasons was so that I could learn to love people who were different from me! I'm curious to see how God will use our story with Kaden to bless a sweet baby and our family!
So, keep up the prayers!

Monday, June 15, 2009

How God Moves Us

So many times, people ask me why I have such a strong desire to adopt. First of all my main reason is because I truly believe this is God's will for our family. Secondly, I read stories like this one! I swear, (and I'm not going to lie...sometimes I do!) it makes me so mad to read about cultures that prefer a certain sex of a child so they abort and/or throw away children! I guess because of the desires God put in my heart, I couldn't imagine NOT wanting a child! I mean, I totally understand stories of teenagers or rape victims putting their child up for adoption because of their situation. But as a married woman, it has never occured to me that I didn't want MY child!

In a related topic, my good friend I blogged about a coupld of weeks ago told me a story this morning that brought tears to my eyes. She has been sharing with me her desire to adopt but that her husband wasn't 100% on board. Her husband just returned from a mission trip, where he watched an 8 month old baby die because of malnutrition. He said while he was there, he actually had to teach this tiny baby how to drink from a bottle. He prayed that God would take care of the child and meets its needs. Though it doesn't seem like it could be, this baby's death was an answered prayer. While it was 8 months old, it was about the size of a two month old American child! Can you even imagine? So, the husband returned with a blazing fire to expand their family internationally! He told my friend that it was not just a desire but an obligation for them to adopt! Man, I love how God works! Here I am two weeks off the meds and I'm all teared up just thinking about it! I am totally praying that this will be something she and I can share! It was so much fun having our boys 6 days apart! I hope our baby girls will be this close too!

Friday, June 5, 2009


In an attempt to continue the adoption journey, I have weened myself off of Paxil. I read some where that you can't take antidepression medicine for two years before adoption. Not to mention that I'm still trying to lose some much needed weight. Well, this process of weening is making me so incredibly emotional.
Yesterday, I shared my little secret world of this blog with a close friend! Now, I know this blog isn't really a secret (Amber) but I only have one person that I have officially shared it with until now.

Let me explain. I have a friend who, like me, has two boys. She has this crazy desire to have a little girl. I don't know anyone like that! haha! The difference in the two of us is this...I can safely have more children. She can't! After her second son, she had some serious problems and it was suggested that she not physically have another. I've never experienced anything like this but I can only imagine it makes having another child even more important! It's like when I tell the kids "No" they can't do something. It seems when the word "No" is said, it makes what ever it is more appealing.

About a year ago, I shared with my friend why I wanted to adopt a little girl. Besides the million reasons I could think of...I realized that I want a daughter because of my relationship with my mom! It stinks when you're a teenager, but as an adult, mom's can be your best friend. I talk to my mom everyday. Tony talks to his at the most once a week! Is that what will happen when my boys grow up? Well, the more we talked the more we had the same feelings about having a daughter. Since that conversation, I have prayed for this friend and the possibility of adoption.

She shared with me yesterday that it seems to be an obsession with her these days. I totally know what she means! That was one of the reasons to start this blog. Not only to document all of the love I have for my unknown little girl but to also get all of the obsessing out of my head and on paper. I want our baby sister to know how much we loved her even before she was born! I want her to be able to read about herself and how I felt in the process of her arrival! And sometimes it's just nice to write about what's on my heart!

I'm praying that this friend will find a little peace with her obsession by journaling about it! I hope that she will get the chance to visit my site and know that it's ok to be thinking about this! It's normal to have a desire to love another child!

I can't wait for our baby sister to be here! I love that my boys talk about her as if she's on her way any day! They already love her so much and I love that because she hasn't even been conceived!