A New Perspective!

I have been trying to work through the issues I've been having with our LOA taking so long, so I have decided to dive into the word, read Crazy Love (because it's for our small group), and working on how I've been praying. And then, this weekend, a new friend gave me a totally new perspective.

You see, I'm to the frustrated part of this adoption. Where people are always asking questions that I just don't have the answers to and it's really starting to take a toll on my emotions. And I'm so tired of everyone offering up the "it's all in God's timing" help. While venting to a friend, she mentioned that in her last adoption she realized that it was in God's timing but not for her...for her son. Had they gotten him six months earlier they may not have had the good transition they did with him. All this time, I have been praying that Lynleigh will transition well and instead of realizing that God has been working this out for her...I felt it was being worked out for me! I have been selfish with my prayers and needs. I wasn't thinking that I had asked him for something and HE was answering my prayers!
So, I'm still praying for speedy paper work and I'm still praying for her transition! But I'm praising HIM for his answered prayers this week!

Is It Today?

Romand 8:24-25
"We are given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don't need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)"

Is today LOA day? I feel like it just might be! For the first time this week I'm not sitting with tears about to flow over and I'm feeling "confident" about what I have been waiting for! I can really feel all of the prayers that everyone has been sending my way. I'm serious about not feeling like I'm going to cry today! The past two weeks has been really hard and has set me on the edge of being depressed. But today, despite the lack of sleep last night, I'm feeling renewed in God's promise! I'm feeling confident in how well HE is taking care of Lynleigh! And I'm feeling like Good News is right around the corner!

20 Months

Yep, she turned 20 months today and still no word!

Today is tough and I'm so busy and overwhelmed that I almost can function! Here's to hoping tomorrow is our day!

BTW...today is day 58!

Day 57....

And nothing new! I've been stalking adoption forums for a few weeks now and I'm starting to notice that all the people waiting on LOA are not hearing anything either! I"m wondering if there will be a huge shipment of them soon and we will all hear!

On the other hand, I'm really starting to feel like we will not travel this summer. Each day that passes puts us closer to the school year and it's very stressful! You see, I'm starting a new school next year and I will be teaching a different grade. So, as you can imagine, I am already nervous about that and now I will have to plan for a sub for six weeks! The good part of that is that the boys will be in school, so Lynleigh and I will have plenty of time at home together!!! I guess I will start focusing on that aspect of the school time travel!

I'm hoping that Friday of this week brings good news! Please pray for our paperwork! I will come and I am claiming that in the name of Jesus!!!!!

Tears....

I'm reading the chronological bible as preparation for a bible study I will attend this summer. I picked up on the day that is listed in the bible instead of starting at the very beginning. (We will start at the beginning in the study so I didn't want to re-read) As I'm reading, I find that my prayers and blogs sound a lot like David when he went through his "crybaby" phase! There are so many Psalms that say things like "Why have your forsaken me" or "Where have you gone?" I feel like David right now! I know that God hasn't left me and I know that He's sitting with Lynleigh right now taking care of her until He's ready for us to come get her...but I feel like He's busy somewhere else. I know that HIS timing is perfect, but I can't help feeling guilty that I'm living life...going to baseball games...snuggling Brady and Kaden...and she's sitting there waiting on me to come get her and I'm disappointing her! I know she doesn't know that we are going to be her family and she can't possibly understand that there is a better life out there waiting on her. But I'm so upset that she is sitting in an orphanage probably waiting for her turn to be held by the few care givers that are working, longing for human touch!

I called this post "tears" because for someone who doesn't cry much, I have shed a lot of tears this past week about this! I'm begging from the bottom of my heart that you will pray for Lynleigh to hurry home! Please pray that God will expidite the paper work and get us on a plane to get her! And pray that her heart will be prepared for us to be her family and that God will continue to provide the funds for our travel!

Day 55

"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!" Psalm 42:11

So, I log on to Facebook this morning to see several people had posted this verse as their status. Wow! I needed to hear that one today! This weekend was really hard! We are now on day 55 of our wait for LOA and I have found myself on the verge of tears all weekend! It seems like everyone asked me about the adoption this weekend. I'm so happy that so many people care about us and are interested in knowing but it's hard telling them that we still have no news. I guess it's just that I'm so disappointed in how slow things are moving that I'm just letting any thought of the adoption get me down!

I have a friend who has been trying for more than a year to get pregnant and each month she gets the disappointing news that she's not pregnant. I can't imagine what she is going through and I feel so guilty that I'm being a cry baby about waiting on paper work when she is waiting to even get pregnant!

So, this verse today was really uplifting! Because I am discouraged and I am sad but I know that I need to be praising HIM and not wallowing in my sadness. So, I am praising HIM for all that he has done and for taking care of my sweet Lynleigh while I can't. And I'm praying for paperwork to be sent to us this week because it's killing me to know that my little girl is sitting there and there is nothing I can do to make this move any faster!

Humbling

So, I'm riding my bike yesterday afternoon (a much needed ride since I haven't been able too all week)and one of my all time favorite songs comes on my ipod. It's Chris Tomlin's "How Can I Keep From Singing." I love this song! I love using sign language when I sing it at church. And yesterday afternoon, it was a much needed answer to a recent prayer. As you know, we are currently waiting on our LOA to arrive from China and it's been killing me to wait on what is now day 52. As I focused on listening to the words of this song, I realized that I have only been asking God when and never praising him for it all!
As I sang along, as breathless as I usually am on an 8 mile bike ride, I started tearing up when I thought of how I haven't been praising HIM for everything about the adoption that has happened. Instead, I have been questioning HIM and accuing HIM of not being fast enoough! So, here are the words I heard whispered into my heart as I sped down my favorite hill with tears in my eyes!

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know LYNLIEGH is loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing your praise? How can I ever say enough, how amazing is your love? How can I keep from shouting your name? I know LYNLEIGH is loved by the king, and it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
how can i keep from singing your praise how can i ever say enough how amazing is your love how can i keep from shouting your name a know i am loved by the king and it makes my heart LYNLEIGH is loved by the king and it makes my heart i am loved by the king and it makes my heart want to sing

i can sing

I don't know why it took time alone, listening to praise songs, to realize that HE is working it all out. I can lean on him during this time and know that Lynleigh is being taken care of. I can praise him for her life and how she is being taken care of during this time. I can praise him for a warm place for her to sleep and food in her chunky monkey belly. I forgot that! But I am humbled that HE would remind me during this waiting period.

50 Isn't Always Nifty!

I pride myself on knowing the 50 states in alphabetical order thanks to a well known tune called "Fifty Nifty United States." I even taught Brady the song long before he had to learn it in school!!!
But today...I'm not feeling that fifty is so nifty!

You see, today marks day 50 that we have been waiting on our LOA. And like the 50 on this birthday cake...it's not a number that I was looking forward too! At 36 years old, 50 seems so far away. $50 seems like a lot of money, especially to someone on a budget. 50 days to me seems like the longest time ever! I just don't like the number 50 today!

The waiting process of adoption got me to thinking about how we are trained to be "get it now" people. Last night, I took the boys by the donut shop to see what time they closed. Brady wanted to take donuts to his class today so we went by around 7. Unfortunatly, they had already closed for the day but open bright and early at 5am. Well, Kaden, who often throws a fit when he doesn't get his way, had a melt down! He wanted donuts and he wanted them right then. I started thinking that from 7pm to 5am must seem like forever to a five year old. Then I realized that the time it would take for him to get a donut was equal to the time we've waited for our LOA in his mind! So, here I am today..."paitently" waiting (as we have been forced to do this whole process) and hoping that this week will be our turn!

Chunky Monkey!!!!

What's the next best thing to getting your LOA? An update of course! Today, I opened my email and Bam! There's a baby in my email! I know! Now if only I could open the mail box and find a baby in there I'd be set! Of course, I'm kidding! I'm dying to see China! The only place I've ever been that's out of the country is boarder towns Mexico and who wants to claim that as being a world traveler!

But anyway, back to the matter at hand! Lynleigh Ren is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!!!!!


Seriously...could you not just eat those cheeks up?


I love that she appears to be bullying the other kid (sorry if that's your kid!) But this girl needs to be able to hold her own in the house with my wild children! I mean, you know you're children are wild when your social worker asks what you plan to do with the little "indians" while you're in China!

So, now we just sit and wait! I'm still working on her care package that will include pictures of us and hopefully Tony will be able to record himself singing on a CD. That would be so awesome for her to already hear his voice before we get there!
Please continue to pray with us for speedy paper work as well as the funds to travel with! God has been so gracious with funding for HIS Lynleigh Ren! I know he wants to see her in our arms asap!

Waiting and More Waiting!

It seems like so many people asked us how the adoption is going this week. I guess I haven't noticed it much or maybe no one has asked but for some reason, it's on everyone's mind! I'm chalking that up to maybe this week will be the week!

Today's message at church was about fear. Know Fear! It's crazy because I have had such anxiety the past two weeks about all of this and I am figuring out that I'm afraid! I'm worried that it's not going to work out like I want it to. And I've noticed that I'm not trusting that God will take care of the paperwork like he promised! I'm such a hypocrite! I mean, one day I'm praising HIM for providing the exact amount of money on our invoice and the next I'm telling him that he isn't doing a good job getting our LOA to us in time! I seriously need some prayer!

So, today, I'm once again giving this all to HIM! Because, as it always happens, I can't do it on my own! This adoption was his idea anyway and HE will make it all happen just the way he planned it long, long ago!