I Love a Good God Moment!

I know it's been awhile since I have posted. Not much is going on the the search for our baby sister. I have met and talked to several people about their organizations they choose to use and have started gathering info on them. BUT I have a really cool story that happened last week!

Last Thursday, Kaden woke up with the most aweful swollen eye! I was freaking out so we went to the doctor! (Turns out it was a bug bite but he did have an ear infection.) Anyway, back to the story. We were sitting in the waiting room and I noticed this little Chinese girl with her mom and brother sitting across from us. I was pretty certianed that she had a repaired cleft lip...but you just don't want to ask if it just a scar, right? So, I sit there taking little peeks at the cute girl when ever I could. Then a woman from my church, who also has a little girl from China, stopped and talked to the woman. Once they finished their conversation, I got the nerve and said, "We about to start the process to adopt!" I also said we wanted to adopt a girl with a cleft lip. We had an instant connection! I told her about Kaden and she said she couldn't even tell! (I love when that happens!) Anyway, they used the same doctor that we used for Kaden! How cool is that? It was one of the greatest waiting room visits I've ever had! She gave me the info on her organization and so I sent off for an info packet!

I love when God puts people in our paths that continue to feed the fire he has set in your heart! It was amazing!

Weird But Cool

Ok...as you may know...I had lunch with a friend this week and discussed how to get started with our adoption. My friend emailed me that next day with more information. Right below her email was an email from some one at Holt Int. The lady was checking up on our packet we got a few months ago. So, after thinking about what I wanted to write her, I finally told her we were pretty sure we wanted a child of promise. So, yesterday, I went to the hospital to visit a friend who just had a baby. Of course she was just such a cutie that my baby meter shot into high gear! Just went I started to think I was getting baby fever and maybe we should just do this the old fashion way, I checked my email again and found a new message from Holt. Basically, she was telling me that we would be a great fit for the child of promise because of our history with Kaden's cleft.

I love how God works. Just when you start to think outside HIS box, he sends something your way to remind you of his plan for you! Ilove how he says, "remember I'm in control and it's not up to YOU to make your own decisions!" I love that!

So anyway, the average wait time of a "regular" child is now 42-45 months. The wait time of a child of promise is 12-18 months! It's possible that in a year and a half we could have a new addition to our family! Wow! That's just the craziest thought!

Funny story. Today the boys and I were discussing possible names for our little sister. Brady got mad because "all the good names have been taken!" But then Kaden chimmed in and said..."I yike Bubba!" I just looked at him and said, "But that's your name." He said "It's baby China's name too!" That kid!

One Man's Trash is Another's Treasure!

Every couple of nights, I like to check out the Holt site and the Waiting Children page. Tonight, I'm having a "too bad I'm off Paxil" night. It really breaks my heart (I know...it's true I really have one!) to see all of those kids just "left" at the door step with noted pinned to them! I'm serious..one of the pics said the little girl was left at the door step with a note giving her birthday. It makes me so mad that anyone would think that was ok. I know...it's better than the alternative of death or what ever...but I can't imagine!
Then, as I look through the list of babies/big kids...I find my self being so judgemental of their disabilities. I mean who am I to say "that one's not for me!" I know that God has a purpose and I'm just a player in that purpose. I know that I can't have them all. As a matter of fact...I'm scared that I won't get to have just one. What if God's plan is so different from what I imagined that I find my self truly disappointed? Oh...by the way...welcome to tonight's pitty party! I'm sitting here almost in tears and I feel like the only thing I can do is just sit and pray for these kids.

Father God,
I know it's not my place to question your plan. I know that I can't control any situation. But Daddy, I'm begging you tonight to find loving homes for those sweet babies on the waiting child list. God, I lift up the little 14 year old boy who is running out of time to be adopted. I pray that you will send him a forever family! I pray for the little boy with the cleft lip/palet. God, send him a family that understands his needs and is willing to meet them. I pray that you will lay it on the heart of a family to take in the little girl who can't see and the baby who has a hearing disability. Help the world understand the massive need for families these kids have. Remind me daily to pray for the special baby you will put in our family. Remind me to lift up her birth mom and the difficulties she will face while she is pregnant and the emotions that go along with giving up your baby! God, I pray that you start putting in place the means and route that you will have us take and that we need! Please bless our desire to save one of these children! And Daddy, please love on these kids when there is no one else to do so!
I love you and praise you!
Amen.

As Tony and I were driving home from Nashville this morning, I got up the nerve to talk about our adoption process. For some reason, I am intimidated to talk to him about this! I'm not real sure why. Anyway, back to my story! As you know, I have been looking into the Child of Promise program with Holt International. I have been praying that God would lead us to which of the needs we would look into adopting. Of course, I am open to almost anything. Almost! But I know Tony is not. Today, he committed to taking a child with a cleft lip. I'm super excited about this! When Kaden was born he had a cleft lip. You can read more about Kaden's story here. I knew when he was born special that God had a huge reason for it! I felt one of those reasons was so that I could learn to love people who were different from me! I'm curious to see how God will use our story with Kaden to bless a sweet baby and our family!
So, keep up the prayers!

How God Moves Us

So many times, people ask me why I have such a strong desire to adopt. First of all my main reason is because I truly believe this is God's will for our family. Secondly, I read stories like this one! I swear, (and I'm not going to lie...sometimes I do!) it makes me so mad to read about cultures that prefer a certain sex of a child so they abort and/or throw away children! I guess because of the desires God put in my heart, I couldn't imagine NOT wanting a child! I mean, I totally understand stories of teenagers or rape victims putting their child up for adoption because of their situation. But as a married woman, it has never occured to me that I didn't want MY child!

In a related topic, my good friend I blogged about a coupld of weeks ago told me a story this morning that brought tears to my eyes. She has been sharing with me her desire to adopt but that her husband wasn't 100% on board. Her husband just returned from a mission trip, where he watched an 8 month old baby die because of malnutrition. He said while he was there, he actually had to teach this tiny baby how to drink from a bottle. He prayed that God would take care of the child and meets its needs. Though it doesn't seem like it could be, this baby's death was an answered prayer. While it was 8 months old, it was about the size of a two month old American child! Can you even imagine? So, the husband returned with a blazing fire to expand their family internationally! He told my friend that it was not just a desire but an obligation for them to adopt! Man, I love how God works! Here I am two weeks off the meds and I'm all teared up just thinking about it! I am totally praying that this will be something she and I can share! It was so much fun having our boys 6 days apart! I hope our baby girls will be this close too!

Sharing

In an attempt to continue the adoption journey, I have weened myself off of Paxil. I read some where that you can't take antidepression medicine for two years before adoption. Not to mention that I'm still trying to lose some much needed weight. Well, this process of weening is making me so incredibly emotional.
Yesterday, I shared my little secret world of this blog with a close friend! Now, I know this blog isn't really a secret (Amber) but I only have one person that I have officially shared it with until now.

Let me explain. I have a friend who, like me, has two boys. She has this crazy desire to have a little girl. I don't know anyone like that! haha! The difference in the two of us is this...I can safely have more children. She can't! After her second son, she had some serious problems and it was suggested that she not physically have another. I've never experienced anything like this but I can only imagine it makes having another child even more important! It's like when I tell the kids "No" they can't do something. It seems when the word "No" is said, it makes what ever it is more appealing.

About a year ago, I shared with my friend why I wanted to adopt a little girl. Besides the million reasons I could think of...I realized that I want a daughter because of my relationship with my mom! It stinks when you're a teenager, but as an adult, mom's can be your best friend. I talk to my mom everyday. Tony talks to his at the most once a week! Is that what will happen when my boys grow up? Well, the more we talked the more we had the same feelings about having a daughter. Since that conversation, I have prayed for this friend and the possibility of adoption.

She shared with me yesterday that it seems to be an obsession with her these days. I totally know what she means! That was one of the reasons to start this blog. Not only to document all of the love I have for my unknown little girl but to also get all of the obsessing out of my head and on paper. I want our baby sister to know how much we loved her even before she was born! I want her to be able to read about herself and how I felt in the process of her arrival! And sometimes it's just nice to write about what's on my heart!

I'm praying that this friend will find a little peace with her obsession by journaling about it! I hope that she will get the chance to visit my site and know that it's ok to be thinking about this! It's normal to have a desire to love another child!

I can't wait for our baby sister to be here! I love that my boys talk about her as if she's on her way any day! They already love her so much and I love that because she hasn't even been conceived!

Praying

It seems that more and more people have been asking me latily "When are you starting the process of adoption?" I guess technically we've started. I mean, we are both praying daily about it and then this week I received a packet from Holt International. I'm super excited about this because now we have something specific to be praying about. First we need to be praying whether or not this is the organization that God wants us to go through. Second, we have a list of minor special needs that would make our wait 2-3 years shorter than if we wanted a "perfect" child.

It's so funny that people would want a "parfect" child. Isn't there only one perfect child that has ever been born? I guess when you don't have that belief system then you think that a child with no visibal flaws is "perfect." Well, I can tell you from experience, a small flaw can be such a blessing! I mean, because of Kaden's cleft lip, I have been able to minister to so many people. So many people reached out to us when he was born too! I mean seriously, aren't we all born accoring to God's plan? If so, then aren't we all born "perfect" the way he wanted us to be born?

I'm so looking forward to this chapter of our lives beginning. I can't wait to see where God will lead us with adoption. I can't wait to witness to whom ever HE choses because of this! I know he wil provide and he will be glorified through it all!

The Only Girl

Since I only have one follower on this blog, I can vent when I need too!
This weekend I spent two days at the MIL's house in FSM! The phrase I never want to hear again..."It's ok...you're special because you're the only girl!" I was so frustrated the whole time because there were three other kids in the room that are just as special or more!
Then I started thinking on the way home...how special will our baby sister be? Wow! I can't stop thinking about it even today! I'm so looking forward to the day that God picks out the special little one that will come and live with us forever! Won't she just be the most special little thing ever? She will be welcomed into a family with two wonderful little boys! They are so different and will bring such joy to her life! Brady already prays for his baby sister almost daily! He talks about her as if she already lives here. And I know in his heart he already loves her! Then there's the other one! Kaden says he wants a "bebe siser"! He is too darn cute when he says that! He will be the one who teaches her everything she needs to learn and everything she doesn't! He will be the one who beats up all the boys at school just for looking at her! And he will be the one who waits up at night for her to return from a date!
I know that she will be special because she will be the only girl....but she will be special because she is the little sister of the most awesome two little boys in the world!

In the meantime, I have requested an adoption packet from Holt International. It has been recommended by a lady at church who used the same service! I thought we could get the infomation and start praying over it now! I have also been looking at grant money and also praying about fundraising! I know that God wants us to become a forever family to a sweet baby girl! I also trust that HE will provide the funds to do that! Now, I'm just waiting for HIM to show me the way! If we could get a couple of grants, tax credit, fundraise, and what ever else he leads us too...then we could pay out of pocket and that would be awesome to not accure any debt!

Please help us pray for our baby girl...her biologocial mother...and how God wants us to fund this addition!

A New Friend

Today at church, I made a new friend. I was dropping Brady off at kids church and the lady checking him in said, "Hey, I think I've met you before." After a few minutes we realized that I met her at the Fall Festival in Hernando. She has a baby from China that is just the cutest thing in the world.
Once we started talking she told me which agency she used and how to get a baby from China in a shorter amount of time. 10 minutes later, we exchanged numbers and are planning to spend some time together this summer. I'm so excited because I was to hear all the info on adoption and also spend some time with her cutie little girl! I told her I was already praying for our baby sister and I that pray for her birth mother too! She said she did the same thing and that she still prays for her little girl's birth mother!
I can't believe we will be starting the paper work in just 7 months!

4/23/09

So, sometimes I feel like my mind is totally obsessed with the idea of adoption. I recently found out that a young girl at school is pregnant. She is wanting to put her baby up for a closed adoption. I know it's early and the odds of it being a girl are 50/50. But I'm finding myself watching her in the halls hoping that this will be our baby! It's crazy because, deep down I'm thinking that God is still wanting us to adopt from outside our country. But then there's the hint of an option locally and ofcourse it will cost less with less wait....and I'm obsessed!
I know that I totally need to be praying about this and listening to God and not my head. So, that's what I will be doing! I will stop obsessing and just know that God already planned our adoption and he knows exactly where our little girl will come from! It's in HIS hands and I can't make any changes!

4/17/09

Once again, baby sister was in the conversation tonight! Amber and I were making cupcakes for Kim's shower and Tony said we could do that again in 4 years when she got here! What ever! I am totally praying that it won't take that long to add to our family!
In 4 years, I will be 38! Seriously? I can't believe it's that close! I don't want to be a new mommy again when I'm that old! I'm thinking she will need to be here in the next 2 to 2 1/2 years! I'm always thinking about her and I don't think I can wait that long!
I'm trying not to rush it in my head though...the sooner she gets here...the older Brady and kaden will be and we just can't have them growing up fast!

3/12/09

I'm sitting here listening to Brady and Kaden play in the living room and doing a little research on adoption on the internet. I have been thinking a lot about what it will be like to add another person to our family!
It's funny because Tony has really got me thinking about it! He said he likes the name Shelby. I think I blogged that last time. Anyway, I have been thinking of names that would go well with Shelby. I've really wanted to use the name Alexa because that's my aunt's name. So, maybe we will consider Shelby Alexa. Brady really likes the name Camilla. I like MacKenna. I think MacKenna Faith is pretty. Idon't know. God usually sends us a name when he's ready so I think I will go with that!

3/6/09

This morning Tony totally surprised me. He walked into the bathroom while I was getting ready and said, "How do you like the name Shelby?" I've never thought of that name. However, I'm so excited that he's thinking of our little girl! I think about her all the time.
I wonder what she will look like....what kind of personality she will have. I wonder if she'll be a mommy's girl or will she be all about her daddy? I wonder what her voice will sound like and what he favorite food will be. I wonder if she will be closer to Brady or will she and Kaden be best buds.
There are so many things to think about when it comes to adding to you family. I know God has already chosen our baby sister. I know that she hasn't even been born. I know that God wants us to reach out and take in a little girl and give her a home with two parents who love Jesus and two brothers who will love her with all their heart!
So, is our baby sister a Shelby? I like it but we will just have to see!

2/26/09

I'm starting this site to post my feelings and thoughts as we begin praying for God to add to our family! I've said for years and years that my dream is to adopt a baby girl! I'm so excited because Tony is totally on board. He has been praying on his own and also doing some research on adoption.

He told me the other night that he was looking online and that Korea is probably where we will need to adopt from. I'm pretty much open to anything but I would just totally love to have an Asian baby! They are so stinking cute and I just love their cheeks and black hair!

I was really shocked that he is so on board! I mean, I know he wants what I want but the fact that he researching on his own time is making me to in love with him!

If you have stumbled across my blog, please be in prayer for our family! We have a goal of starting the paper work in January 2010. If God leads us to start sooner I won't argue!